My Attempt to be Discreet Falls Flat
Today at work, I discovered that I had an urgent need.
So urgent, in fact, that I sat bolt upright, stood up, and walked quickly out of our office and to the restroom. With purse in hand. (Ladies, am I clear?)
And discovered, to my great chagrin, that the little zippered compartment inside my purse was empty. And that there were no vending machines that sold the item that I desperately needed.
So I returned to the office. I am not a prude but do not wish to share the vagaries of my cycles with my coworkers. So I attempted, discreetly, to ask our office administrator, who is in charge of office supplies and whatnot, if she knew where I might obtain said item. She had to think about it. And then ask the receptionist. And then another coworker. All the while pointing over to me as the woman in need. So within a few minutes, there were three women in the central office, opening and closing supply cabinets, file drawers, looking in first aid kits, while I was standing there, mortified. And then, of course, all the men in the office, who had been at their desks all day, decided that 3:05 was the perfect time to leave their desks and mill around the office.
At last I was pointed to another coworker's desk. She handed me an envelope containing the goods and I returned to the restroom. Where I discovered that the item she had given me was not the item I had requested. It was a related item, bulky and with adhesive on one side. It was not a brand that I recognized, and had probably been shoved in the back of a desk drawer for a year or two. However, it was better than toilet paper, and for that I was thankful.
But, alas, the final straw. As I was tidying up, and I'm not sure how this happened, but blame it on my general klutziness and aged adhesive, the item became dislodged and feel right into the toilet. So I was stuck again with toilet paper.
And with that, I decided that it was time to just go home.
So urgent, in fact, that I sat bolt upright, stood up, and walked quickly out of our office and to the restroom. With purse in hand. (Ladies, am I clear?)
And discovered, to my great chagrin, that the little zippered compartment inside my purse was empty. And that there were no vending machines that sold the item that I desperately needed.
So I returned to the office. I am not a prude but do not wish to share the vagaries of my cycles with my coworkers. So I attempted, discreetly, to ask our office administrator, who is in charge of office supplies and whatnot, if she knew where I might obtain said item. She had to think about it. And then ask the receptionist. And then another coworker. All the while pointing over to me as the woman in need. So within a few minutes, there were three women in the central office, opening and closing supply cabinets, file drawers, looking in first aid kits, while I was standing there, mortified. And then, of course, all the men in the office, who had been at their desks all day, decided that 3:05 was the perfect time to leave their desks and mill around the office.
At last I was pointed to another coworker's desk. She handed me an envelope containing the goods and I returned to the restroom. Where I discovered that the item she had given me was not the item I had requested. It was a related item, bulky and with adhesive on one side. It was not a brand that I recognized, and had probably been shoved in the back of a desk drawer for a year or two. However, it was better than toilet paper, and for that I was thankful.
But, alas, the final straw. As I was tidying up, and I'm not sure how this happened, but blame it on my general klutziness and aged adhesive, the item became dislodged and feel right into the toilet. So I was stuck again with toilet paper.
And with that, I decided that it was time to just go home.
posted by Bookhart at
4:53 PM
5 Comments:
Man am I ever glad I never, ever have to deal with "said items" again. Bless your little heart.
By
Karla May, at 6:32 PM
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By
Karla, at 2:25 AM
I have been in that predicament, too, though it was when I worked at the AHC and everyone I worked with was postmenopausal. So no one had nothin'. And we were in a big day long meeting. I have a 1/2 hour break for lunch. As there are NO and I mean NO places where one can find such items within walking distance, I actuall walked into the bank building across the street and started begging from any receptionist I could find. After about 5 tries, one blessed lady handed me the equivalent of a Depends on steroids, with wings and propellers and all sorts of attachments, so big that I could not fit it in my pocket, had to stick it in my shirt for the trip to the toilets.
Finally wedged that sucker into my drawers and then spent the rest of the day CRACKLING as I moved. I never did get lunch.
Oh the humiliation. I'll never forget it.
By
Karla, at 2:27 AM
Oh yeah. I have been there. Only my ending was slightly different; mine dropped on the floor and rolled into the stall next to me. OH THE HUMANITY.
By
Kris, at 9:45 AM
I think I would just call it a personal emergency and go home!
By
Sylvana, at 7:36 PM
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